My Anxiety Story - How I Manifested Love and Healing

Hello, my name is Libra Lewin and I feel called to share my social anxiety story with you today. I hope this helps you to feel less alone in your fight.

I feel like I came out of the womb crying and overwhelmed and it never stopped. I just started crying on the inside instead.

I don't remember a time in my childhood when I wasn't fearful and worried. I was raised to not be seen nor heard. The focus of my upbringing was on survival, not feelings. No one seemed to notice (or care) how sad and terrified I was as a kid. 

My elementary school teacher nicknamed me “the Owl” because I would sit at the back of the class and silently watch her with my big brown eyes.

I was afraid to speak because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and either getting laughed at or getting in trouble. I never felt like I fit in and I never felt like anyone really liked me.

My highschool classmates thought I was emo or goth because I almost always wore black. I wore black a lot, not because I was emo, but as a way to hide the pools of nervous sweat under my armpits.

I never had a date to high school prom or any school dances. First of all, I was not the beauty standard at my predominantly white school. And also, I was a shy black girl, not the wisecracking black girl they were hoping for.

After finding the courage to ask my Caribbean immigrant, baby boomer parents to see a therapist, I had several bad experiences with mental health "professionals".

Therapist 1 heard my plea for help and replied, "But you don't look like you have anxiety." He eventually prescribed me some pills, but I was too nervous about possible side effects to actually take them.

Therapist 2 hardly listened to anything I said. She would check her phone during sessions, ask me questions I’d already answered, and instead of actively listening to me and giving me guidance, she wanted to practice reiki on me.

Therapist 3 completely ghosted me after completing only two of the four sessions I had paid for and ran off with my money.

I gave up on therapy. 

I entered adulthood, and anxiety tagged along with me.

I was nervous to make and answer phone calls. I was white-knuckling the steering wheel every time I drove. I had to psyche myself up every time it was time to walk into a grocery store. 

I decided to go to a college that was less than an hour away from my parents.

I made no friends in college. I joined no clubs or organizations. I went home every weekend. 

Whenever I got pressured by roommates or childhood friends to go to a club or bar I’d spend the whole time in the corner scrolling on my phone.

It felt safer to be alone, but I was struggling daily with immense loneliness. 

I tried online dating. Things usually fizzled out after the second or third date because it was hard for me to open up.

One guy flat out told me, "You're boring." 

After graduation, I started an online business so I could work from home. Things started off good, but once my business required more marketing, I was too afraid to show up online or reach out to someone who could help.

The business failed. 

I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 28. He was emotionally abusive, unavailable and had a toxic baby mama who threatened me regularly. 

I settled for him because I didn't see my value, I didn't want to return to the shame of being single, and I was afraid I'd never find anyone else that would care about me. 

I decided to go to cosmetology school to be a nail artist. I quit doing nails after 2 years because I couldn’t handle interacting with clients, especially the unhappy ones. 

I couldn't handle the stress and heartbreak of my relationship any longer, so I quit that too. 

I eventually manifested a job as a social media manager. It was great because I could mostly work from home. 

I entered into what I now know was a "situationship" with a coworker, who for two years barely took me out and never gave me so much as a card for my birthday or the holidays. 

One night, I told him I loved him and his response was to laugh.

His car got towed that same night at my apartment complex. The power of a woman scorned? I think so. 

After that humiliation, I moved on and committed to doing more inner work on myself as well as to studying more deeply about manifestation, energy and the subconscious mind. 

Within months, my love life transformed.

I manifested an amazing, angel of a man who is a provider, a protector, and my best friend.

We are now engaged to be married.

We manifested our first home during the tail-end of the pandemic. We moved in together. He was paying all the bills and I was able to do what I wanted. 

Life was better than ever, and yet my struggle with anxiety only intensified and depression emerged. 

I turned to cannabis for relief, but that lead to an anxiety attack that sent me to the emergency room in an ambulance. 

Anxiety just wouldn’t release its hold on me...

Until I learned about my nervous system.

It wasn't just my mind that was programmed with negative thoughts. My nervous system had been programmed too; to feel negative emotions, especially fear.

My nervous system was burnt-out from traumas both big and small, and it needed care. Just like my mind needed positive affirmations, my body needed positive feelings. In fact, it needed to be nourished first and foremost.  

THEN I learned about human design.

It taught me there was nothing "wrong" with me. I was designed by my Creator to be highly sensitive to other people's energy and to stress. That's why I was easily burnt-out by work and overwhelmed by social situations. 

I learned that my unique design is actually a gift to humanity and contributes to our spiritual advancement. 

Understanding these two things created a major shift in my relationship with myself and my anxiety, and significantly healed my fears. 

There is no way, without the knowledge and tools that I have now, that I would have the courage to post TikToks and YouTube videos or to share my story with beautiful strangers like you. 

This is why I am so passionate about helping women free themselves from fear, by sharing the things I've learned and guiding them through the process. 

I've lost a lot to anxiety, but I'm not going to let it stop me, and I don't want it to stop you. 

You deserve to walk in your purpose.

If you are interested in the benefits of having one-on-one conversations with an anxiety and manifestation coach, you can schedule a free clarity call with me here. 💜

For videos on healing from anxiety, human design, your nervous system, and more checkout my videos on YouTube, Instagram or TikTok.